Something else I've learned is a sense of gratefulness. The more that is
taken away, the more grateful I am for what is left--is that right or true?
Loss, it seems, is what awakens gratefulness. I wake up in the mornings
nowadays and feel an immense sense of grace. It is as though the sunlight
is richer, stronger, and surrounds me like amber, holding me up. So sometimes
I simply sit up in bed until noon, feeling this heat washing over me. Because
I'm not moving, I can almost think that nothing has happened to me. That,
if I roll out of bed, suddenly I will be able to take a shower, put on my
clothes and run off to teach class--all in ten minutes flat--all in one
fluid motion, never ceasing, never thinking.
And so I sit in bed, cradling this possibility. For the longest time, I
couldn't tell if it was early morning or dusk. Time seemed to stretch itself
into infinite corridors. Morning or dusk?
I would sit and wait until it was clear.
- 0 1 +